“Remember, Jason and Freddie were kids once, too…”
More often than not I find myself thinking about movies from my childhood, and thanks to mostly poor parental supervision the majority of those movies are in the horror genre which has surely helped to mold me into the degenerate I am today. When the movie that comes to mind is the direct-to-video relic ‘Mikey’ that is so unknown people look at me like I have two heads when I bring it up, I am naturally intrigued enough to revisit this childhood memory.
Are you familiar with the Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne comedy Instant Family? Well its fantastic, and it serves as the perfect “why adopting is such a great thing movie”. Well, this is the exact opposite of that. Mikey seems like a sweet kid who is just catching a bad break as he continues to bounce around the foster care system. He doesn’t have a problem getting adopted, everyone loves Mikey. The problem is that somehow the families who take him in always end up violently murdered, and poor Mikey is forced to find yet another new home. I know what you’re thinking, man this kid has some terrible luck and can you even imagine how traumatized he must be?! Mikey gets a fresh start yet again and falls for the teenage girl next-door, but needless to say things soon take a dark turn.
Spoiler alert, Mikey is an OG psychopath - I mean you cross this kid and you won’t see the sun come up ever again, thats a cold hard fact. Just ask his adoptive sister from the films opening who refused to admit something was her idea getting him into trouble, or his adoptive mother who thought slapping him across the face was a good idea. Don’t even get me started on the poor dad who was just minding his own business at work during all of this, but he surely got his once he finally made it home. “No dad, just because the baseball bat is out doesn’t mean he was playing baseball earlier, but he will be soon enough”. Even worse, he has the foster care system, law enforcement, and his therapist fooled to the point where they think HE is the victim.
This kid is just straight murdering entire families, playing the sympathy card, and going to Chili’s for dinner right after. If Ted Bundy had a kid, this is exactly how he would have turned out. The timeline actually lines up, Bundy was executed in 1989, plenty of time for him to have this kid who eventually lands in foster care only to take over the family business a few years later.
Mikey is played by Family Ties (1986-1989) and Blank Check (1994) actor Brian Bonsall, who seems to have slipped out of the acting game after a few TV show and movie appearances in 1994. As I mentioned this is very much a throwback B-movie horror BUT I watched it a bunch of times as a kid and in my twisted mind it still holds up today. One of my favorite things about this movie is the score which is true early 90’s B-movie horror which really brings me back. Plus, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it since as far as I can tell I am the only person who has actually seen it.
And don’t worry, Mikey did make the technological leap to DVD so feel free to add it to your collection, or if you can find the VHS, even better.
Mikey is currently streaming on Prime Video.
Watch the vintage trailer and a pretty cool montage celebrating the pint sized psychopath below.
